April 15th 2013

I guess I should start out my explaining the name of my blog. 

When I was growing up, every March 20th (Dads Birthday) we would get a letter from his mother and it always started out ... It was the first day of spring, the robins were singing at 7:00am when John Boy (my dad) was born.  My mother and I would make a song of it and sing it to dad, before he even opened the letter.  Maybe my brother and sister did before me, but as they were grown and gone by the time I was 6, I don't really remember.  Anyway, it is one of my happier memories of a childhood, that quite frankly does not have to many happy memories. 

The Zen Master.  The nickname I gave to dad after he came to live by us and with us, at the ripe young age of 89 ... 6 years ago.  You see dad came to live here because he was ill, his 2nd wifes family made it very clear he was no longer welcome with her, as he could no longer take care of her, and was of no use to them, we took him in.  But the timing was ... horrible.  Dad was in Florida when he took ill, I went down to care for him, thinking I could get him back on his feet and then go home ... NO, after a long stay in the hospital, and then having to put him in a nursing home (the first of many times I cried).  I was flying back and forth every 2 weeks for 2 months from Florida to Illinois, working at my life partners and my business for a few days and then going back to Florida to dad.  The problem was every time I came home, Michael, my life partner was getting sicker and sicker.  We live in a small town and medical care is ... POOR.  Finally I stayed home long enough to figure out he had cancer and was very ill.  Not trusting the medical community here .. I took him to Barnes in St. Louis about 4 hours away.  Dad was scheduled to come to Illinois to an assisted living facility, the day after I was putting Michael in the hospital.  Thank God for my niece, she got dad and brought him to the assisted living facility.

Sorry for that ramble, but background was needed.  You see I was NUTS, trying to keep these 2 men alive, trying to keep a business a float all by myself (my niece went home - out of state), but dad was calm.  That horrible summer while Michael fought for his life, from 4th stage lymphoma (large B cell) Dad was my rock, so calm, he kept me grounded and able to get thru the next day .. or sometimes hour.  He was MY Zen master, the picture of age, wisdom and kindness.  Always his first words when I would go to pick him up and bring him to my house, was always ... What can I do for you.  He never complained that his life had fallen apart and he was stuck in an assisted living facility, he only wanted to help Michael and I. 

I learned alot that summer about my dad .. he was alot stronger than I ever gave him credit for.  Michael - he never gives up (yes present tense - he is still here) and me .. I am someone you want in your foxhole, didn't know that until then.  But I don't think I would have made it thru without my dad.

Dad died March 30th of this year.  Not pretty, he fought death every step along the way.  He did NOT go quietly into the night.  I don't think he wanted to leave me, there still may have been something he could do for me, even though I kept telling him I was ok and Michael was ok, not sure he ever believed it.  But the last thing he said to me was that he loved me ... that day was March 20th, his birthday ... and yes the Robins were singing.

My hopes for this blog is that they say you are never really gone until no one remembers you (or something like that), even if no one ever reads this - it is out there so dad gets his wish - never really leaving.  I hope that someday his great grand sons want to know more about where they came from and if so, here I will leave stories of dad.  Don't worry from here on in, most will be funny.  Cause I have my grandmother (Dads Mom) in my head when grandpa died, she stood up and said ... no one cry, he lived a long good life, and so did her son.

Sorry for all the misspelling, they are not typos, can't spell - got that from dad.